It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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