i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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