I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Olympian is in my bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
