Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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