Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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