yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
