Well apparently he's into motor boating.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
