some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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