Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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