you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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