if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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