sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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