Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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