Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
