I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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