My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
