He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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