he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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