what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
