You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
