I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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