The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Never underestimate the power of titties
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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