We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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