My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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