Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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