Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
