singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
