Do you still have your period?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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