We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize