i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
