Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
