You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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