i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
