Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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