hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
