; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
