I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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