alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
