it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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