Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
