is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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