i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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