final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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