obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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