my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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