im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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