I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
