so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
