i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
