girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
