Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
