i was born a porn star she said
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
