Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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