u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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