Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
