How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
