Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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