so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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