Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate all girls vehemently.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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