I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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