You really coming over, don't trick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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