I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
