fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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