More tranny stories later!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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