I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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