cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
