I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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